He wants my all

Beautiful sunrise view off the back porch

This fall brought on a season of spiritual dryness for me.

Typically I love doing my Bible Study Fellowship homework throughout the week.  This fall it was a chore.  Typically I love reading the Bible and searching for truth to apply to my life.  This fall it was a chore.  Typically I enjoy time in prayer... you see the theme.

THIS FALL IT WAS A CHORE.

In desperation, I finally poured myself before the Lord and felt renewed when He gently reminded me that He wants my ALL.  He wants my whole life:  my nutrition, my exercise, my phone calls, my emails, my instagram, my twitter, my hospitality, my gardening, my fashion, my dealings with family, my vacations, etc.

I had been compartmentalizing Him.  Sure, I believed, as Creator, He had all power and authority over the earth but I wasn't living it out.  I was trying to do many things on my own rather than leaning into Him.

He wants my entire life. When I give him everything, the Holy Spirit flames brightly in my life, allowing me to show God's character to others.  When I leave Him out of the day to day, I become like my "old self" and the Holy Spirit dims.

"But I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh."  Galatians 5:16

You see, I had been spending money, spending time, spending energy on things without seeking Him.  I was just trying to "get through" but I left Him out and instead of submitting, I just "tried harder."  All of it left me exhausted.

And so I FINALLY submitted it back to Him.

First, I spent time apologizing and then asking Him to help me turn away from whatever He wanted me to turn from.  It was clear pretty quickly that I needed to turn away from certain things as these things started coming to mind in rapid succession.

Second, I humbly begged him to not let me forget who I was before I followed Him.  Before I submitted my life to Christ, I was a gossip, an easily angered person, materialistic, power seeking, selfish, envious, jealous, attention seeking, award seeking.  Yuck, yuck, yuck.  That's embarrassing to admit but true.  I did not show all of this filth to everyone as I tried to cover it up a lot of the time but underneath the polished exterior I was a HOT MESS.

Over the past 6 months, I had nearly forgotten what I used to be.  It's so important that I constantly remember because it keeps me in humble gratitude to God for rescuing me from myself, it keeps me from thinking that I am a "good person"without God and it keeps me from judging others.

Finally, I told Him, how desperately I wanted to please Him, to give Him everything.  And I admitted I needed Him because I knew I could not do it on my own.

As I prayed, I felt a peace I can not explain except to say I felt totally connected to Him and filled with joy and contentment.  Thank you, God!  There is nothing like the peace God gives when we humbly submit to Him.

I am a work in process.  God is sanctifying me.  While this process painful at times, I am so thankful He finds me worth "working on."

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

If you are in a season of spiritual dryness, I hope this brings you hope and encouragement that the Lord loves you and He is waiting for you to return to Him.  He will never leave you.

This old hymn was part of my prayer so I thought I would share it with you.  

My Goal is God - by Frances Brook

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace

Nor even blessing but Himself, My God.

Tis His to lead me there not mine but His

At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.

So faith bounds forward to it's goal in God.

And love can trust her Lord to lead her there.

Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard

Till God has full fulfilled my deepest prayer

No matter if the way be sometimes dark

No matter though the cost be oft times great

He knows how I best shall reach the mark

The way that leads to Him must need be straight

One thing I know, I cannot say Him nay;

One thing I do I press towards my Lord;

My God, my flory here, from day to day

And in the flory there my great reward.