He wants my all

Beautiful sunrise view off the back porch

This fall brought on a season of spiritual dryness for me.

Typically I love doing my Bible Study Fellowship homework throughout the week.  This fall it was a chore.  Typically I love reading the Bible and searching for truth to apply to my life.  This fall it was a chore.  Typically I enjoy time in prayer... you see the theme.

THIS FALL IT WAS A CHORE.

In desperation, I finally poured myself before the Lord and felt renewed when He gently reminded me that He wants my ALL.  He wants my whole life:  my nutrition, my exercise, my phone calls, my emails, my instagram, my twitter, my hospitality, my gardening, my fashion, my dealings with family, my vacations, etc.

I had been compartmentalizing Him.  Sure, I believed, as Creator, He had all power and authority over the earth but I wasn't living it out.  I was trying to do many things on my own rather than leaning into Him.

He wants my entire life. When I give him everything, the Holy Spirit flames brightly in my life, allowing me to show God's character to others.  When I leave Him out of the day to day, I become like my "old self" and the Holy Spirit dims.

"But I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh."  Galatians 5:16

You see, I had been spending money, spending time, spending energy on things without seeking Him.  I was just trying to "get through" but I left Him out and instead of submitting, I just "tried harder."  All of it left me exhausted.

And so I FINALLY submitted it back to Him.

First, I spent time apologizing and then asking Him to help me turn away from whatever He wanted me to turn from.  It was clear pretty quickly that I needed to turn away from certain things as these things started coming to mind in rapid succession.

Second, I humbly begged him to not let me forget who I was before I followed Him.  Before I submitted my life to Christ, I was a gossip, an easily angered person, materialistic, power seeking, selfish, envious, jealous, attention seeking, award seeking.  Yuck, yuck, yuck.  That's embarrassing to admit but true.  I did not show all of this filth to everyone as I tried to cover it up a lot of the time but underneath the polished exterior I was a HOT MESS.

Over the past 6 months, I had nearly forgotten what I used to be.  It's so important that I constantly remember because it keeps me in humble gratitude to God for rescuing me from myself, it keeps me from thinking that I am a "good person"without God and it keeps me from judging others.

Finally, I told Him, how desperately I wanted to please Him, to give Him everything.  And I admitted I needed Him because I knew I could not do it on my own.

As I prayed, I felt a peace I can not explain except to say I felt totally connected to Him and filled with joy and contentment.  Thank you, God!  There is nothing like the peace God gives when we humbly submit to Him.

I am a work in process.  God is sanctifying me.  While this process painful at times, I am so thankful He finds me worth "working on."

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

If you are in a season of spiritual dryness, I hope this brings you hope and encouragement that the Lord loves you and He is waiting for you to return to Him.  He will never leave you.

This old hymn was part of my prayer so I thought I would share it with you.  

My Goal is God - by Frances Brook

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace

Nor even blessing but Himself, My God.

Tis His to lead me there not mine but His

At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.

So faith bounds forward to it's goal in God.

And love can trust her Lord to lead her there.

Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard

Till God has full fulfilled my deepest prayer

No matter if the way be sometimes dark

No matter though the cost be oft times great

He knows how I best shall reach the mark

The way that leads to Him must need be straight

One thing I know, I cannot say Him nay;

One thing I do I press towards my Lord;

My God, my flory here, from day to day

And in the flory there my great reward. 

Come to Me

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." 

Matthew 11:28-29

These sweet words of Jesus have been playing in my mind over the past week.  Many Christmases, I am full of happiness, delight and energy.  I love to decorate, cook, sing, host events, shop, hang out with friends and go, go, go. 

This year is different.  This year I feel weary.  All around me people suffer as they lose loved ones, struggle with deep depression, encounter spiritually lost relatives, fight cancer and more.

This + my busy schedule = one emotionally weary woman.  

A few days ago as I studied Matthew 11:28, I noticed something new.  I had always read this passage thinking Jesus was talking about non-believers coming to Him, believing in Him and finding rest through salvation.  While I still believe that is true, I think there is more to it.

It says "come to Me ALL..." Jesus is asking "all who are weary" to come to Him, no matter who we are, Christian or non-Christian. And it does not say "this is a one-time event."

So, what does it mean to come to Him?   It means to talk to Him and give Him our lives.  It's not fancy, it's not complicated but for me, it's something I need to do on a daily basis.  Oh I believe in Jesus and have for years but every day my human will tempts me to "do life my way."

Then in verse 29, He says "take My yoke upon you and learn from Me."  According to Websters Dictionary, a yoke is "a frame that is attached to the heads or necks of two work animals so that they can pull a plow or heavy load."

Jesus is asking us to allow Him to custom make a yoke so we don't have to plow alone.  Jesus will be in the harness next to us, helping us, which makes the burden less.  He won't force His way on us, we must come to Him and sit under His way.

Notice this yoke is custom made. My yoke won't work for you and I should not try to put mine on you.  You will have your own.  

Once we are plowing together, verse 29 says we learn from Him.  We learn as we study His Word, the Bible.  We learn as we pray, as we wait for answered prayer.  We learn as we make mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

He teaches us more and more the longer we endure our heavy load together.

Verse 29 goes on to say "I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls."  

Ahh rest.

That is what I am looking for this Christmas season.  Christ has given me the answer.

All I have to do is put myself in His care with His rules and His love and He promises me rest.

So, instead of pulling the comforter over my head this morning,  I got on my knees and went to the Lord. Yes please, dear Jesus, I want rest.

Welcome

Welcome!  I am back to blogging although this blog is less about my personal life and more about my spiritual life.  While the two are bound together, my hope and prayer is that this blog will be an encouragement to you spiritually.  So, grab a cup of tea and stay a while.